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Train your tongue to deflect, disarm, and defuse.
Want to know what to say when you don't know what to say? If so, you're in the right place. These Tongue Fu! tips will help you communicate more constructively with co-workers, clients, supervisors, and suppliers.
What is Tongue Fu!, you ask? It's best defined by an incident that took place while I was flying to New York for a media tour. I needed to double-check a quote, so I pulled out my copy of Tongue Fu!: How to Deflect, Disarm, and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict horn my purse. A woman across the aisle from me glanced at the title, grabbed the book out of my hands, and pronounced, "That looks interesting. Tell me what it's about!"
"Well," I answered, tongue planted firmly in cheek, "it's about how to handle difficult people without becoming difficult ourselves." She chuckled, and we had an enjoyable conversation.
The following tips are designed to help you respond proactively to challenging people in the moment, instead of your having brain freeze and thinking of the perfect response on the way home.
Tongue Fu! Tip 1. When people complain, don't explain; take the AAA train: Agree, apologize, and act instead of explaining why something wasn't done. That can sound as if you're making excuses, and it might make some people angrier. The better way: "You're right, Mrs. Smith, we were supposed to send that brochure to you last week, and I'm sorry you didn't receive it yet. If I could please have your name and address again, I'll personally put that brochure in an envelope and make sure it goes out today." Voila! Complaint over.
Tongue Fu! Tip 2. Has someone accused you of something you didn't do? Don't defend or deny it. Instead, put the conversational ball back in their court with, "What do you mean?" Asking the person to explain herself will cause her to reveal the real issue, and you can address that instead of reacting to the attack.
Imagine an upset client exclaims, "You don't care about your customers." Responding, "That's not true. We pride ourselves on our quality service" would only create a yes-we-do, no-you-don't debate. Instead, ask, "What makes you think that?" The client may harrumph,...