Women Are Crazy, Men Are Stupid: The Simple Truth to a Complicated Relationship

Abstract

Women Are Crazy, Men Are Stupid: The Simple Truth to a Complicated Relationship, Howard J. Morris and Jenny Lee, is reviewed.

Morris, H.J., & Lee, J. (2009). Women Are Crazy, Men Are Stupid: The Simple Truth to a Complicated Relationship. New York City, NY: Simon Spotlight Entertainment. Hardcover, $22.95. 256 Pages.

There is no argument that men and women are different at least physically and emotionally. As a result, some men are naturally better at performing certain tasks or jobs and some women are better at other tasks and jobs. For example, while most women might be better at expressing their feelings and empathizing with others, some men might be better at following direction from their superiors and doing the job without having to worry about the underlying reasons. Each of these natural abilities or competencies can have their advantages and disadvantages for different jobs and situations. Furthermore, men and women are conditioned and socialized differently in their upbringing process. These differences can influence or impact their interpersonal approach and relationship building styles. Comedy writers and real-life couple Howard J. Morris and Jenny Lee use personal challenges in their own relationship to describe the common differences in women and men in their book entitled, "Women Are Crazy, Men Are Stupid: The Simple Truth to a Complicated Relationship." While offering and discussing some of the common reasons behind men's "stupidity" and women's "insanity," Morris and Lee recommend specific suggestions on how both sexes can control their impulses and productively work together. With humor and the "he said/she said" approach, the authors offer a relationship guide that is often described by reviewers as candid, down-to-earth, humorous, and practical. The chapter titles include the following: the history of crazy and stupid, admitting we are stupid, inside the stupid mind, stupid crazy freakin' romance, between a woman and her crazy, sign language, an inconsistent woman..., grating expectations, stupid and the city, empathy for the nut bag, and crazy love. As can be seen from the book's title, chapter headings and the "common language" or "street, slang and colloquial" terminology used throughout the book to describe the stories, the book can be offensive to some readers because the terms may not be appropriate for academics or in the workplace. As such, it is not recommended as a required reading for students or employees in the workplace.

Morris and Lee explain that one of the main reasons that some women act in a mad or foolish manner at times is that some men are stupid. They explain that perhaps there is little to no doubt that all people act foolishly at times and some might just be foolish; then it becomes a question of degree. Some men tend to believe that a few women are plain "crazy," according to these authors. Similarly, women think of men as stupid not necessarily due to a man's lack of knowledge, but more so because of his cluelessness in dealing with females. The authors tackle the question of "which came first, the crazy or the stupid?" and "are women crazy because men are stupid?" or "are men stupid because women are crazy?" Morris and Lee explain that many women discuss how over time in their lives they are driven crazy by stupid behavioral tendencies of men. And men claim that they cannot act intelligently with a woman who is not rational. Stupid behaviors cause crazy actions, which cause more stupidity, and the cycle continues. The authors do not provide a solution for their question of which came first; however, they do provide some suggestions on how men and women can successfully live and work together.

Generally, men do what they do because they are brought up and socialized to act "manly," and at times such behaviors are not understood by women and they cry. Of course, this crying surprises men as they are unsure of how to handle it. While men mean to do good things, it is often seen as the wrong thing by women. For example, when a little boy likes a young lady, he might give her a push to demonstrate playfulness and his liking of her. However, she sees this as act of violence and withdraws and might stay away from him. Neither gender knows how to properly communicate with each other. The same actions at times carry on to the workplace and adult relationships. In the workplace, of course, "pushing" changes to the use of words and communication differences. Using words and stories, men come up with comfortable ways to express themselves and this often leads to misunderstandings. Men might joke around with women as they do with their friends and buddies. While the words used and the way they are carried out might make perfect sense to men, they are at times misinterpreted by women. Similarly, while women might be sending a message to men by indirectly trying to talk about a subject, men often do not see this as a clue and might totally ignore it. Again, expectations are not met because the parties are not communicating properly with each other. Over time, mistrust, uncertainty, and confusion can enter the relationship.

Overall, the authors, in a comic manner, attempt to demonstrate that when it comes to their female counterparts, men are profoundly stupid. And when it comes to men, intelligent or mature women often act in a completely irrational or crazy manner. The authors, using crazy/stupid acts in their personal relationship, attempt to explain why women often ask questions that they do not want to discuss or get an answer to; and similarly why men continue to give advice that were not sought and answer questions that were never asked by women. Women Are Crazy, Men Are Stupid is written in a very practical reading level to reach both mature and immature audiences. This book can help men and women in understanding the dysfunctional behaviors of the opposite sex, and hopefully work in a productive manner in the workplace. For example, while men interpret their giving advice and problem-solving as being helpful, women often interpret this as being bossy and not listening to their true feelings. Of course, it should be mentioned that being "helpful" is a skill that is not mastered well by even experts. A good read for learning how to properly give help and receive help is Edgar Schien's book entitled "Helping: How to offer, give, and receive help" (Berrett-Koehler, 2009). Of course, helping is part of human nature for both men and women, and it can be expressed through many terms such as assisting, aiding, advising, care giving, coaching, counseling, enabling, explaining, facilitating, guiding, mentoring, offering, showing, steering, supporting, teaching, telling, etc. (Schein, 2009, p. 7). At the mean time, helping can be frustrating and challenging at times even when the formal relationship provides some guidance or obligation. For example, "Workers and their bosses have a sort of psychological contract based on what kind of help they can expect from each other" (Schein, 2009, p. 6). For learning to properly give and receive help, Schein's book is an excellent read for both men and women at home and in the workplace.

The book, Women Are Crazy, Men Are Stupid, has practical stories and examples written with colloquial terminology to express various points regarding relationship differences between men and women. Perhaps this is because the authors are comedians and want their material to be relevant for young people as well as for television and theater opportunities. Using the terms "crazy" and "stupid" are obviously absurd to describe an entire gender, but the authors are simply exaggerating their perspectives to make a point very quickly...perhaps they want people to "judge the book by its cover" for marketing purposes. Unless one is dealing with his/her close friends, the terms "crazy" and "stupid" are never appropriate in a conversation. Pejoratively, the word "crazy" is often applied to individuals who are seen as having mental illnesses or emotional challenges which can best be treated by licensed professionals. So the use and promotion of the words "crazy" and "stupid" is not appropriate in a relationship-building context or in a work environment. Furthermore, in the workplace, calling someone crazy or stupid is almost always counterproductive and usually ends up escalating the conflict in a relationship. As stated before and unlike John Gray's "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus," according to this reviewer and due to the popular "language" used throughout the book, this is not an appropriate text for usage in academia or in workplace training. However, because of its simplicity and story-telling style, it might be relevant for individuals who like novels and/or those who are bored reading academic books. From the reviews posted online by various readers, it appears that some people can relate to the personal and practical stories of the authors. The examples are relevant for all men and women who deal with other people at home or in the workplace. Women Are Crazy, Men Are Stupid can help readers understand how men and women are socialized during their adolescent years at home, in school and in the community.

References

References:

Morris, H. J. and Lee, J. (2009). Women Are Crazy, Men Are Stupid: The Simple Truth to a Complicated Relationship. Simon Spotlight Entertainment: United States. ISBN-13: 978- 1416595052.

Gray, John. (2004). Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus: the Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex. United States: Harper Paperbacks. ISBN-13: 978- 0060574215.

Schein, E. G. (2009). Helping: How to offer, give, and receive help. Berrett-Koehler Publishers: San Francisco. ISBN-13: 978-1576758632.