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Contradictory messages create a serious difficulty for their receiver, for a response appropriate to one layer of the message constitutes an inappropriate one for another.
THOUGH OVER 30 YEARS have passed since family therapist Virginia Satir first published her ideas regarding interpersonal communication, the significance of her contribution has not lessened. A brief summary of her theory will serve as background for the rest of this paper.
According to Virginia Satir, our survival depends on communication, whether verbal or non-verbal, conscious or unconscious. In order to receive from each other crucial information, we need to have clear, free-flowing communication. Many obstacles may prevent this: words and expressions have multiple denotations and connotations, individuals have different rules of generalization, abstraction, and deduction, one or both parties may lack the skills needed for asking for or giving the clarifications necessary for the avoidance of misunderstandings.
A further reason for the lack of clear communication resides in contradictions. We may quite often observe contradictions between verbal and non-verbal messages. Contradictory messages create a serious difficulty for their receiver, for a response appropriate to one layer of the message constitutes an inappropriate one for another, contradictory layer. This especially harms children who have no skills (or habits, or motivation) to ask for clarification when they encounter double messages.
Satir identified five ways in which persons handle their communication when under stress (Satir, 1967; see also Satir, Stachowiak, & Taschman, 1975). Stress necessarily follows the encountering of any behavior that appears to disturb one's love or trust relationships.
In four of these communication patterns, one layer or part of a message contradicts another, thus preventing its receiver from obtaining clear, functional information. Incongruent communications do not express what a person needs and experiences; instead, they contain camouflaged, manipulative messages. Incongruent senders try to force their audience to comply while concealing their own vulnerability.
The fifth pattern identified by Satir, congruent communications, has no contradictions between its layers. Senders do not consciously or unconsciously expect the receiver to make inferences about what they did not say, or to perceive contradictions between verbal and non-verbal messages. Congruent communicators share their thoughts and emotions about themselves without projecting them onto others and thus avoid manipulation.
In this article, we shall illustrate, by...