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The author's new book promotes self-coaching habits for connecting more effectively with others in schools
Conversations stand at the heart of most of the work in schools. When conversations are effective, teaching is more powerful, coaching has more impact and evaluation conversations are more empowering. The quality of our schools is directly related to the quality of the conversations that take place within them.
Conversations also stand at the heart of our lives outside of school. Most of the joy and most of the pain we experience in our lives is directly related to how we communicate. It is no exaggeration to say that the way we interact with others may be the single most important factor in how effective we are in schools and how fulfilled and happy we are in our personal lives.
Recognizing the primacy of communication, my colleagues and I at the Impact Research Lab in Lawrence, Kan., partnered with approximately 200 people from seven countries in a project designed to improve their communication skills. We called this the Global Study of Better Conversations. We described what we learned about conversation in a 2016 book, Better Conversations: Coaching Ourselves and Each Other to Be More Credible, Caring, and Connected. For our project, we asked research volunteers from around the world to film themselves in conversation and then reflect, plan and monitor how they communicated until they acted in ways that were consistent with their beliefs.
Connecting Emotionally
We called it the Better Conversations project for two reasons. First, we wanted to see if people really could get better at communicating. Second, we trusted that when people adopted the habits and beliefs we described, they would have conversations that actually helped them become better - conversations that prompted learning, affirmation and connection.
Ben Collins, an assistant principal at Maine West High School in Des Plaines, 111., was one of the project volunteers. Collins recognized that to be the kind of leader he wanted to be, he had to be an effective communicator. Earlier this year, he worked on improving his communication skills by implementing some of the Better Conversations practices and focused on one habit in particular - improving emotional connections.
To get better at connecting with other people, Collins read...