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Ugh.
I don't even know where to start.
TLC recently debuted a show titled "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo." It's apparently a spin-off of Toddlers and Tiaras, so it already gets about 87 eye rolls from me based solely on that. The show is centered around 6-year-old "Honey Boo Boo," also known as Alana Holler, who is said to be a success on the child pageant circuit.
What really rocketed her into fame, though, was a video, boasting more than 7 million views, of her mother, "Mama June," filling her up with "go-go juice" for energy before a performance. "Go-go juice" is some kind of combination of a caffeinated beverage and an energy drink, originally said to be Red Bull and Mountain Dew, but, to the delight of the executives of both of those companies, never confirmed to be specifically so.
Listen, when I was in college, I drank more than a pot of coffee a day. Caffeine was my friend. I had a coffee pot, a fancy cappuccino or espresso machine, a coffee grinder and about 800 different kinds of coffee beans stocked in my pantry. Then one weekend, because I thought coffee and I were tight, I took a bunch of Vivarin because I had made one too many commitments I feared I did not have energy for. I have no idea why I had no coffee on hand, I only know I chose Vivarin because it was supposedly "just caffeine." I also don't know what Wanda from the Poison Control Center is doing these days, but that night, she fielded several phone calls from a life-fearing me in a state of panic due to an intolerable level of caffeine in my system. It was bad. Ask...